Dealing with Stress

from Minnesota Extension Service University of Minnesota

What do divorce, the holiday season, moving to a new town and losing a job have in common? They can all be sources of stress.

Stress can occur whenever you experience something that upsets your own or your family's life pattern.

How bad is stress? Well it depends on the intensity of the stress, how long a stressful situation lasts and most importantly, the coping skills you and those around you have to deal with the stressful event.

While you can't always eliminate the sources of stress in your life, there are a number of things you can do to better cope with stress.

First, you need to recognize that you are stressed and that your stress is affecting how you behave. Just as a flashing red light in your car's dashboard warns you that something is wrong with your car's engine, we all display warning signals when we experience stress. There are physical signals such as sleepiness, headaches or fatigue. Symptoms also show up in your family perhaps in the form of frequent parent - child conflicts, communication breakdowns, intensified anger, lack of patience and frequent criticism of others. Deeper problems may show up in alcohol or drug abuse, depression or child or spouse abuse. Recognizing these symptoms of stress is an important first step in the process of coping with stress.

The second step is to identify the source of stress. This is sometimes easier said than done. Like the dog that is kicked by the little boy, who was yelled at by his big sister, who was criticized by her mother, it is sometimes difficult to trace the source or sources of stress.

Identifying the source of stress is particularly useful for anticipating stressful family times. Just as you might check over your car's tires, water and oil levels before making a long trip, you can also prepare your family by identifying probable sources of stress before they occur.

The third step in dealing with stress is to take action. You may believe that you are at the mercy of what happens to you, but there are at least four actions you can take:

First, you can control at least some of the things that are happening in your life - For example, you can say no to unnecessary commitments or change plans to purchase something new when a job layoff looks possible.

Second, you can control your attitudes or the way that you look at your situation. When something stressful happens, its effect in part depends on how you look at it. For example, a financial emergency can be perceived as ruining a family vacation or it can be viewed as an opportunity for a family to relax and enjoy one another at home.

Third, you can control how you respond to stressful events. Each of us can respond in negative ways that cause even more stress or constructive ways that help us weather the stressful event better.

Fourth, you can get help. Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness. In fact, research shows that strong families and individuals recognize that sometimes stress is too serious a problem to handle alone. Turning to your network of friends, family and community services such as your church, employee assistance program or a community agency that offers counseling, can help all of us through stressful times.

In summary, you need to recognize that you're stressed, try to figure out the source of your stress and take action.

To go back, touch your browsers' "Back Button"

or touch this button to return to parentingthoughts.org lists of Parenting Tips to Print Out